


Rules for Dating Tony

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: DONT TAKE THIS TOO SERIOUSLY, Dancing, Dating, Everybody loves Tony, F/M, M/M, Meetings in the Kitchen, Post CA:CW, Rules, Sparring, Storytelling, Taking Turns, courting, drive in movies, funny fic, they are adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: Rules for Dating Tony~~Go in the order you were assigned~~Each date lasts from dinner time to breakfast the morning after~~No alcohol involved because a drunk Tony is a slutty Tony and that’s not playing fair**addendum– a glass of champagne, wine or a single beer if applicable to the date is fine. But no more than that.~~You can ask for help with your date, but sabotaging other dates is not allowed.~~If you’ve already had a date, keep your distance until someone else’s date is over (11 am)~~The date/night can be in the style/place of your choosing, but no copying other people’s ideas.~~If an opportunity for sexual relations arises, consent must be verbally given by Tony.~~There must be twenty four hours between the end of one date and the start of some one else’s turn.~~If Tony declines a date, you forfeit your turn~~If Tony chooses one team member to continue dating, the others will respectfully bow outOr Basically---everyone loves Tony!!!!





	

> *****************************************

It started innocently enough, with Tony walking in on Bucky, Steve, T’Challa, Clint and Thor all eating breakfast together.

They were talking, or rather, ARGUING, quietly but fiercely among themselves, and shut up the moment he walked through the door.

“Morning boys.” Tony yawned and ran a hand through his early morning fro, really not noticing how they all looked him over, then looked at each other. Well, he _might_ not have noticed if Thor could have been subtle, but they didn't love the demi-god because he was _subtle_.

“Good Morrow, Anthony.” he intoned, in that mellow baritone, folding big arms across a bigger chest, and looking Tony over with a smile just short of a leer on his face. Tony blinked at him uncertainly, paused halfway to the coffee machine.

“Thunderboy, stop looking at me like that.” He looked down at himself, at his bare chest and threadbare pajama pants. “What? Is it my pajama pants? They are a little old I guess. Or my slippers? Say what you guys want, but these are easily the most comfortable things I’ve ever worn.” he grinned down fondly at his worn and faded moccasins. “You guys must just be jealous.” He shuffled back out of the kitchen, clutching a steaming coffee close to his chest.

“So one night?” he heard Thor say, and he paused right outside the door, too nosy to ignore the conversation. “Just one?”

“The night before and the morning after and that's it.” This was definitely T’Challa, that deep voice sounding even lower, huskier in the morning. Tony shivered a little and grinned. The prince was so hot.

“Everybody gets the same amount of time.” Bucky chimed in. “That say it's as fair as it can be, considering the situation anyway.” Tony could almost see him, all earnest blue eyes and early morning scruff. Adorable.

“Right. And everyone has to do their own thing, no copying anyone else.” From Clint, who had been drinking orange juice straight from the jug. Sometimes Tony thought Clint did shit like that just to make him smile, other times he thought maybe it was because Clint had just about zero manners.

“We will draw numbers to see who gets to go first.” Steve added quietly. “Keep it as random as possible.” Ah yes, there was his favorite stick-in-the-mud Captain. Always one for rules.

“Then yes, count me in as a competitor as well.” Thor announced, banging his cup on the table for emphasis.

Tony thought for a moment that the statement sounded odd, but Thor said a lot of odd things really, so he shrugged it off.

It had been nearly a year since Tony had managed to bring everyone back, pull the team back to the compound after everything had gone so wrong with the Accords. Even Steve was home again, and he had brought both the Wakandan Prince T’Challa, and the Winter Soldier with him as well.

It had been an adjustment, to have them in the compound, but they had adjusted well enough. The Black Panther was so charming, with that rolling accent and charming smile, it was hard for anyone to resist. In fact, Tony had a hard time looking away when the warrior smiled, so he didn't. He just stared until he'd looked his fill, and moved on. Technically, T’challa was King now, but even he still referred to himself as the Prince. Tony thought it was maybe because he was still grieving his father.

The Winter Soldier, who was back to just Bucky now, had spent months watching everyone warily until he'd realized that no one wanted to hurt him anymore. He had let Tony work on his arm, dialing back the constant pain from the metal limb, and helping him gain even better flexibility with it. Somehow he became fast friends with Clint, and now they spent all of their time together eating entirely too much and generally causing trouble for everyone else. Clint spent most of his time with the team as well, now that he and his wife had separated. Citing “irreconcilable differences” and that Clint hadn't been right, not since New York, they had parted peacefully, and Clint had moved into a room next to Bucky's.

Tony had been saddened to hear of his friends life falling apart, but he couldn't deny he was glad the archer was home again. Sometimes Clint was the only reason Tony laughed, sometimes watching Bucky was the reason Tony hung out in the sparring room well after his training session had ended.

It worked.

Steve seemed more serious these days, more focused. He and Tony had had several conversations about everything, had hugged it out and tried to move on. Some days Tony thought he was adjusting better than the soldier did, but most days they were just fine. Steve insisted that Tony learn better hand to hand combat, so every day for at least an hour he worked with him. And if Tony loved being pinned under that big blonde when they wrestled… well that was neither here nor there.

Thor had even left Asgard for the most part, content to fight and live among his human teammates. By far the largest and loudest of the team, his presence kept the compound feeling _alive_ and Tony enjoyed every minute of it. He would sit and type away at his tablet, pretending to be working but really be listening as the god told story after unbelievable story of the battles he'd won, and the worlds he'd seen.

After Bruce had disappeared, Natasha had really folded into herself, reverting back to the snappish, cold shouldered persona of her earlier years. Tony tried to reach out to her, but she had firmly told him to mind his own business. So he had backed off, but every time she opened the freezer it was stocked with her favorite brand of ice cream, and it always made her smile.

It wasn't a bad existence together, and Tony had grown to care for each member of the team, appreciate whatever it was about them physically that made his voice catch and his breath hitch, and tried his hardest to hide how happy he was to not be alone anymore.

He had even learned to ignore most of the completely out of control shenanigans the group of Avengers got up to in their free time. It was always some sort of bet, some sort of dare, started by Clint, wholeheartedly supported by Bucky and Sam if he was around, firmly regulated by Steve and inevitable turned into some sort of alpha-male tournament by the wildly competitive T’Challa, and Thor, who couldn't walk away from a fight to save his life. Natasha rarely joined in, but always watched, and they usually ended in some sort of outrageous destruction of property, and someone being hurt.

But that's what life was these days, and Tony loved every minute.

So he ignored the weird conversation happening in the kitchen, and went back up to his room, needing another hour or so before he was ready to face the day.

****************

Thor

***************

At dinner the following evening, the demi-god bellowed across the common area- “Anthony! Come! Sit by me here.” and patted the cushions next to him.

“Uh, sure.” Tony carried his plate over and dropped onto the couch next to him, raising an eyebrow when Thor laid a huge, but friendly hand on his knee.

“Anthony, did I ever tell you of the time I laid waste to a dragon?”

“Like an actual, fire breathing dragon?” Tony's eyes widened. “I know this will sound crazy, but even after all the things I’ve seen, I didn't think DRAGONS existed. Aliens are fine, but dragons are pushing it.”

“Oh but they do.” Thors voice quieted a little and he turned his massive body towards Tony on the couch, laying his arm along the back until his fingers were just barely brushing the curls that lay on Tony's neck. “Nasty things. Breath fire. Six legs. Two sets of wings.”

Tony shivered at the light touch, and sat his plate down, food forgotten, and propped his chin up in his hands to listen. Thors stories were _literally_ pulled from the books on Norse mythology, and he had corrected Tony several times on the accuracy of a popular myth. He would calmly explain that no, he hadn't destroyed a particular beast, but had subdued it and made it serve him for a century or two. Or that yes, he had in fact romanced the seven virgins at the temple so he could steal the artifact with in.

Tony was simply fascinated by him, by the larger than life Demi god, by the magic he welded that was more than Tony's science could explain.

So he listened with a grin on his face while Thor told him about the dragon, another story about a sea serpent, and a highly implausible tale of being sent to a distant world and battling rock creatures. He moved closer each time he changed stories, unnoticed by Tony until their thighs were touching, and the hand on his knee was rubbing in slow lines up and down his leg.

Tony gulped a little when the arm above his shoulders dropped down a little to hold him, but didn't pull away.

Everyone else stayed uncharacteristically quiet, letting Thor hold Tony's attention for the better part of an hour, instead of interrupting or calling bullshit like they usually would, but Tony was too distracted by Thor's overly large, overly _welcome,_ presence to notice.

Then the god stood to his feet, and held out his hand for Tony to take. “Actually, Anthony, I brought a few new weapons with me from Asgard this time. Would you like to see them? I know you enjoy trying to apply your science to our magic and seeing how they work. They are in my room, but I would be happy to take them to your lab as well.”

“That sounds… so cool.” Tony grinned, and took his hand without thinking about it, and Thor all but towed him out of the room and to the elevator to his rooms.

“Do dragons really have six legs? I haven't ever come across that in my reading.”

“In Alfheim they do. And there are more things in the realms than could be written in your books. I would be delighted to show you one day.” Thor pulled him out of the elevator with him, lacing his big fingers through Tony's smaller ones to keep him close. “Did you also know, Anthony, that I am not just the god of Thunder?”

“Yeah, you have like fourteen names, right?” Tony asked, his eyes lighting in interest at the assorted weapons lying across Thor’s floor. The room was decorated garishly, all bold reds and golds, silk curtains, thick rugs. Several animal mounts on the walls, and the bed was a monster, with a custom sized mattress, and four tree trunk sized posts holding a heavy canopy aloft. But his attention was drawn to the intricately decorated daggers, the somehow unimposing but completely awe inspiring Mjolnir, and several new pieces he had never seen.

“That's right.” Thor's mouth lifted in a smile, enjoying the look of wonder on Tony’s face. “And my favorite is when they call me God of Fertility.”

“Why-why do they call you that?” Tony turned in time to see the predatory gleam in Thor’s eyes, noticing belatedly that their fingers were still linked.

“Why would you ask that? Do I not appear...virile to you?” he asked slyly, closing the distance between them, and Tony licked his lips nervously.

“Um, well yeah--”

“And am I not pleasing to look at?”

“Oh, you’re a total hottie, Thunderboy, but--”

“Thor.” the god interrupted. “Say my name when you speak to me.”

“Thor.” Tony squeaked out. “You’re a total hottie, _Thor_.”

“I’ve seen you watching me, when the team spars. You enjoy the way I move? The way I wield my...hammer?”

“Good christ. You’re gonna stand here and talk about your fucking _hammer_ like I’m not supposed to think you're talking about your--” he snapped his mouth shut, color flooding his cheeks and Thor grinned.

“I'm going to kiss you now, Anthony. But fear not, I am very skilled at this sort of thing. It won't be odd for us to share this at all.”

“Right, god of Fertility and all that. Probably great at kissing. Yeah, I'm down for some kissing.” Tony only had time to take a quick breath before Thor covered his mouth with his own, and he was so distracted by the taste of the wine on Thor's tongue to notice when he was picked up and laid out across that giant bed.

*************************

Tony tried to hide his face in Thor’s chest when the god carried him to the breakfast table in front of the rest of the team, setting him down gently in a chair and kissing him soundly.

“I will return shortly.” he said quietly, and poured Tony a steaming cup of coffee before he left.

“What just happened?” Natasha, who had only returned to the compound a few hours previous, snapped her head around to stare at Clint. “What in the _actual fuck_?”

“We don't need to talk about it.” Tony interjected, reaching for his mug. “Really we don't.”

“Oh no, No, no NO!” Clint nearly yelled. “No, we completely do! We one hundred percent have to talk about it in _great_ detail.”

“So Tony,” Bucky asked, leaning over the counter, blue eyes wide and innocent. “Did he drop you on the floor and yell ANOTHER! After you got him off? He does that when he likes things you know.”

Clint and T’Challa cracked up, while Natasha had yet to pick her jaw up off the floor, and Steve just watched disapprovingly.

“I'm not a drink, I'm a person.” Tony replied, irritated, and then Clint leaned forward, copying Bucky's innocent posture and expression.

“Now wait a second. If Thor _swallowed_ does that count? Because technically that _would_ make you a--”

Steve spit his coffee all over the table. “ _Christ,_ Clint!”

“I'm just asking!” Clint shot back, and Bucky nearly fell off his chair, laughing so hard.

They barely managed to pull themselves together just before Thor re-entered the kitchen.

“I'm afraid I will be gone for a few days. Even when I have no desire to be there, Asgard calls.” he said gravely, and lifted Tony out of the chair and back into his arms. “But I am sorry, Anthony, to cut this short, and I will think of you the entire time.”

“Thor, I--I--” Tony was grasping at straws, trying to find words, and Thor shook his head.

“No, Anthony, do not worry yourself. One night of passion between us does not change our standing as friends. I would not be opposed to repeating it, of course, but for right now, be assured that our friendship and bond as brothers in arms is intact.”

“Oh, um, thank you.” Tony started to say more, but Thor kissed him again, long and hard until Tony was nearly climbing up his big body to get closer, pulling at his long hair with a soft moan.

But Thor just laughed  and deposited him back in the dining room chair, leaving the room with a dramatic swirl of his cape.

“So, is no one going to mention just how shockingly easy it was for Thor to talk Tony into bed?” This was from Bucky again. “I mean, yay, right guys?”

T’challa and Clint high fived while Steve just sent them all a scolding look and kept reading his paper.

Natasha was still staring, still shell shocked, and Tony just shrugged and tried to keep the shit-eating grin from his face.

“I don't know, Widow, don't ask me.”

****************

T’Challa

***************

“Hey what's the Cat-man doing?” Tony asked a few days later, looking at the window of his office.

“And why would I know that?” Natasha asked, not even looking up from the file she was reading. “Also, it's fairly disrespectful to reduce his name to ‘Cat-Man’, Stark, the Black Panther has been keeping Wakanda safe for generations and you just--”

“Yes, teacher, thank you.” Tony interrupted irritably, and Natasha sent him a narrowed glance. “I meant more along the lines of, ‘Hey Natasha, do you have any idea why T’Challa is out there chopping wood’?”

“Haven't the faintest.” she replied, and Tony rolled his eyes.

“Fine.” He stared out the window for a few more minutes, watching the muscles in the Prince's back stretch and flex with every swing of the axe. At one point, he just reached down and ripped a stubborn piece that hadn't wanted to split right down the middle, and Tony dropped his file onto his lap to cover how _uncomfortable_ he suddenly was.

When he was done working several hours later, Tony went to the common room, noticing with a half smile the obscenely large pile of wood now stacked next to their fireplace.

“Hey Panther, sweetums, you know you don't _actually_ have to chop wood right? I mean, I just get that deliv--oh shit!” he tripped over Clint, who was suddenly in his way, and went flying towards the wall.

“I’ve got you, Tony.” T’Challa came out of nowhere, arms out, catching Tony just before he hit the floor.

“Cat like reflexes, am I right? That must be why they call you Panther.” Tony joked, but the smile slipped from his mouth when the warrior spent a long moment staring down at him, nearly black eyes tracing over Tony's face, lingering over his lips.

“Indeed.” the prince finally said in that honey rich voice, and Tony tried not to moan as a ribbon of heat curled down his back. “Walk carefully, Tony. You are only invulnerable when you are wrapped in that armor. Every other time, someone needs to be protecting you.”

“That was...weird to say.” Tony admitted. “But, if you want to be there to keep me from smashing into the floor, I'm not going to argue.”

T’Challa smiled slowly, and lifted him back to his feet gently. Tony kept right on going, heading for a drink and completely missed Clint elbowing T’Challa in the ribs.

“You owe me for tripping him, so you could swoop in like that.”  With a short nod, Challa passed over a twenty dollar bill and Clint just grinned and pocketed it. Bucky glared at them.

“Recruiting help shouldn't be legal. Should just be what you can do by yourself.”

“Others can help, just not sabotage.” Steve supplied helpfully, but folded his arms and narrowed his eyes. “Even though ‘helping’ by potentially hurting Tony is pushing it.”

“Noted.” T’Challa bared his teeth in a fake smile and Bucky just huffed and looked away.

When they were all sitting around the roaring fire sometime after dinner, watching the flames and talking idly, Challa stepped up behind Tony, dropping a blanket over his shoulders.

“Oh, thanks.” Tony pulled it tighter around himself and sent him a smile over his shoulder. “Something on your mind Panther? You’ve been overly...present today. Seems like usually you keep your distance.”

T’Challa rubbed his hands up and down Tony's arms, moving closer until his chest lay against Tony's back, and the genius’s eyes flew open wide. _This is new._ “I wished to be closer to you, is all. Is this a problem? I was under the impression that you wouldn't mind…?”

“No, I wouldn't say it's a _problem_ ,” Tony hated that he was stuttering, “I just thought--”

“In my village,” T’Challa  said smoothly, “ a warrior must prove he is worthy of taking a lover. He must prove himself able to protect the one he wants from harm, must be able to provide fire to keep them in the light during the dark hours, and of course, provide a shelter and  warmth. Only then is a man worthy of choosing a mate. Have I done all these things for you, Tony?”

“Are-are you saying you are choosing me for a lover? What the hell--” Tony turned around to face him, but only succeeded in wrapping himself tighter in the blanket, and the gorgeous man peered down at him.

“This is a problem?”

“No.” Tony hated himself for blushing, for tightening his fingers around the impressive biceps, for swaying closer. “It's just that Thor and I--”

“One night of passion doesn't have to change a friendship.” He brought Tony's lean body against his own. “And you didn't answer the question. Have I done all the things required to take you as a lover?”

“Ye--yes.” Tony nodded emphatically, deciding not to question the _awesome_ turn of events leading to the warrior being interested in him. “Yes.”

“Then come now.” Instead of taking his hand, or picking him up like a Thor did, T’Challa bent and slung Tony, blanket and all, over his shoulder and hauled him out of the room.

“God dammit you fucking _cat_ put me **down**!! I'm not spoils of war!!  You can't just---”

T’Challa clapped a big hand onto Tony's ass, and the billionaire squawked in shock. “In my village this is how we claim what we want.”

“Your village sucks!!” Tony snapped, but the chance to see all that dark skin naked was too good to pass up, and he sighed in resignation. “No, you know what, never mind this is fine.” T’Challa laughed, and his deep chuckle carried clear back to the living room.

“You horny fucks need to tell me what's going on. First Thor and now T’Challa? What the hell?” Natasha demanded, and the men shared guilty looks.

“Well, we all wanted a piece of Tony, I mean we are all crazy about him right?” Bucky began, “so Clint decided we should each get to take him out on a date and let him decide who he wants.”

“But-” Clint jumped in, “I also pointed out that one date wouldn't do it, sex had to be on the table so Tony could make a well rounded, well _informed_ decision.”

“Of course you did.” She rolled her eyes. “Of course you decided sex had to be in the equation.”

“And Steve said that was fine,” Bucky continued, “ we could each have a date and try to get him into bed, but we each only had from afternoon to the morning after, then we had to back off and let someone else try.”

“Right because Steve can't live without a good set of rules.”

“Thats right.” The soldier said from the couch. “Nothing wrong with a little regulation.”

“Yeah,” Clint joined in. “So we each drew numbers from a hat and that's the order we have to go in. Thor got first, then Panther. I'm next, then Bucky, then Steve”.

“So the five of you-” Natasha raised her eyebrows, “are going to try and seduce and sleep with Tony one right after the other. Do you really not see a problem here?”

The three men exchanged glances and shook their heads.

“Not… really.” Steve admitted. “We are all taking turns, the rules are clearly laid out. We all even signed something. Tony has to give complete consent, it's not like we're forcing him. Alcohol isn't allowed, he has to be completely sober. We are allowed to help each other out, like when Clint tripped Tony so Challa could catch him, but we aren't allowed to sabotage things, and we have to wait a whole day before the next guy tries.… what are we missing?”

“Does Tony even _know_ about this?”

“Of course not.” Clint objected. “It takes most of the fun out of the game!”

“Okay, so for all he knows, somehow, _mysteriously_ , every member of this team has decided spontaneously to start taking him out and seducing him into bed.” Natasha started counting off on her fingers, and Bucky shook his head slowly.

“Well, not _every_ member of the team. Sam isn't here. And we didn't think you wanted to play, so…”

“Good god.” Natasha sighed loudly, and kept going. “Secondly, you guys wrote _rules_ for this, which takes it from almost okay with me to kind of creepy, demoting Tony to a prize to be won.”

“No that's not--” Clint objected but she silenced him with a pointed glare.

“And thirdly, this _all_ rests on you guys all assuming Tony is a big enough man-whore to sleep with _all five of you,_ which is just the _worst_ \--- _.”_ Natasha cocked an eyebrow, and paused. “You know what, no actually, that's not that big of an assumption. He spends half his day eye fucking you all anyway.”

“Come on Tasha, is language like that really necessary?” Steve complained and she laughed, a real laugh that caught them all by surprise.

“Okay, you know what super soldier?  When you stop plotting how to get Tony into bed with the entire team then I will stop saying things like that, deal?”

“I think that's fair.” Bucky commented, and sent Tasha a wink.

“Don't wink at me.” She sniffed haughtily, and got up to leave, the almost easy moment between them suddenly over.

“That girl needs laid.” Clint grumbled.

“So should that be our next project?” Bucky asked and Steve cleared his throat.

“Bucky, if she even _thought_ she heard you say something remotely close to that sentence I guarantee she would rip your throat out.”

Bucky coughed uncomfortably and turned back to the fire. “I take it back.” And Clint patted his leg sympathetically.

*********************

T’ Challa led Tony into the kitchen the next morning with a cocky smirk on his face. Tony looked exhausted, but was grinning, unable to stop even long enough to take a drink of the coffee his new lover handed him.

“So?” Clint prompted. “Have you officially caught jungle fever?”

“That is entirely offensive.” T’Challa said, his voice dropping low and angry and Clint raised his hands, backing up several steps.

“I'm so sorry man, oh my gosh I wasn't trying to be--”

“I'm entirely joking.” Challa deadpanned and even Steve had to laugh at that. “Tony had a wonderful night with the Prince of Wakanda, didn't you, Tony?”

Tony just nodded, and Bucky sent Clint a disappointed look at the lack of details.

“Princes don't kiss and tell.” Was all Tony said, and they all went back to their breakfasts, grumbling in disappointment.

The Natasha walked into the kitchen.

“Wow, batting two and ‘oh’ huh, Tony? And have you caught the jungle fever, then?”

Everyone swiveled to look at Challa who raised his hands and took a step back.

“Not offensive at all. Not coming from her. More along the lines of terrifying.”

Bucky snorted milk up his nose when he laughed and Clint slapped his back so hard he fell out of his chair. Natasha just sent them an irritable  look.

“Thank you, Tony, for last night. You honor me by sharing yourself.” T'Challa bent over his hand and kissed it and Tony blushed an amazing shade of red.

Welcome back guys! I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying this little fic because it fun to write! And I'm LOVING  the messages/asks speculating which one Tony is going to end up with!!!

Catch up on the other chapters HERE, not super necessary but it helps give a little context.

Enjoy!

**********

Bucky

**********

On Wednesday, Bucky knocked on Tony's door, dressed in his dress uniform and holding a dozen roses.

“Bucky… what's up?” Tony took the flowers with a small smile, burying his nose in the blooms and breathing in deep, trying to hide his grin. The soldier had been acting odd since lunch, pulling Tony's chair out every time he went to sit, opening doors for him. He had even served Tony dinner, filling his plate and keeping his glass full. It had been entirely sweet and entirely endearing, and Tony would be lying if he said he hadn't hoped it would end with Bucky in his room.

“I came to ask you to dance.” Bucky said softly, pulling his hat off and running a quick hand through his hair. “If you're free this evening, that is.”

“I'm not doing anything at all.” Tony replied, and opened his door a little wider. “And I feel like dancing is suddenly the only thing I want to do tonight. Come on in. Let me put something nicer on.”

“Sure thing, sugar.” Bucky sat on the couch in Tony's suite as he disappeared into his bedroom to change.

“Say, Bucky--” he called from the other room. “Is there any particular reason why three of you guys have suddenly up and decided to… try and date me?”

“I don't know why the others are trying.” Bucky answered smoothly. “But I just wanted to spend some extra time with you, if that's alright.”

“I'm not complaining.” Tony reappeared in black dress pants and a red button up. “I was just wondering. But don't worry. I'm suddenly _really_ looking forward to dancing with you.”

“I'm awfully excited to dance with you too, Tony.” A perfect gentleman, he offered Tony his right arm and escorted him out of the room and down the stairs.

The common area was empty, no team members in sight, and Tony thought was maybe a little odd, but he was too focused on Bucky to care all that much.

The soldier led him out through glass doors and onto the

balcony that overlooked the city.

“Wait, are you serious? What is this?” Tony turned in a circle, his mouth falling open as he took it all in. “Bucky this is---”

Bucky had worked hard all to transform the balcony into a ball room. Any patio furniture had been gotten rid of, and several padded benches had replaced them. He had hung lights from every post, and through the branches of any potted trees, and now that the sun was setting the balcony was nearly glowing. The far corner of the balcony had curtains hung up in a semi circle, shielding it from anyone in the tower while still affording a view of the city. Inside the sheltered area was a table with champagne in ice and several small bowls of fruit and chocolate.

And an overly long, overly plush chaise lounge, with several pillows and a blanket arranged on it.

“Bu-bucky.” Tony found himself stammering, and Bucky tried to smile and not look quite to nervous.

“Back before the war,” Bucky explained quietly, “all a fella wanted to do was take someone they fancied to a dance. It was perfect. The chance to hold them close, to breathe in the scent of their shampoo, to feel their body move against your own. Well, it's just about enough to make a man fall in love.”

Bucky sat his cap down and cleared his throat, holding his hand out for Tony to take.

“Will you dance with me Tony? It sure would make me happy.”

“I would _love_ to dance with you.”

He took Bucky's hand and the soldier spun him out onto the dance floor as music started playing over the speakers. Bucky made a mental note to give Clint his twenty dollars since he managed to start the music right on time, but now he just looked down at the brunette in his arms and grinned.

They had a few laughs, a few missteps when Tony couldn't figure out how _not_ to lead when dancing, but they soon settled into a perfect rhythm together, and Bucky tucked him closer to his body and whirled Tony around and around as song after song played.

When they finally took a break, Bucky led him over to the chaise lounge and poured a glass of champagne. Tony scooted over and patted the seat so Bucky would sit next to him.

“So.” Tony said thoughtfully, tilting his head back to stare up at the stars. “Is this couch out here so we can kiss under the stars?”

“You wanna kiss me, Tony?” Bucky asked, somehow managing to look both wicked and entirely innocent all at the same time. “That's awful forward of ya, but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't where I was hoping the night would go.”

“God, I think you pretending to be a good old fashioned boy is about the hottest thing I've ever seen.” Tony admitted, running his fingers through his hair, and Bucky leaned forward until their lips were barely touching.

“Oh sweet thing, you haven't seen anything yet.”

***********************

“So Bucky goes out and buys a dozen roses for Tony, _a dozen_ , and asks if he can take him dancing. Decorated the whole balcony like some sort of ballroom.” Clint told Thor. “I mean, I don't understand how this guy isn't fending off women with a _stick_ if that's his seduction method. One look into those baby blues and _I'm_ almost ready to kiss him.” He took a huge bite of his breakfast burrito. “I mean, it's almost too easy for him. Metal arm and crazy history or not.”

“That seems unfair. I did not know we were supposed to go that far with it, put that much preparation into the night.” Thor frowned in thought. He had only been back since late last night and had been told in no uncertain terms to keep his distance because Tony was with Bucky. “I wonder if I am at a disadvantage for going first.”

“Thor.” Clint rolled his eyes. “All you had to do is tell Tony you killed a dragon and he was jumping your bones. If anything, your example makes the rest of us look bad for having to work so hard. I mean damn, T’Challa had to chop down a damn forest before Tony noticed him.”

“Yes. Well.” Thor looked overly pleased with himself.

“Besides guys.” Steve interrupted from his usual place at the table. “The rules were clear that we each are to court Tony in our own unique way. And I gotta say, that move was a hundred percent Bucky. Used to watch him do the same thing back in the day. A few flowers, a little innocent smile, a dance, he always asks if they want to kiss him like he wasn't planning on trying to seduce them…it's a patented, fool proof plan and those girls never stood a chance. So of course it worked on Tony. He has _way_ less morals than girls on the forties did.

“That's rude to say.” Tony objected, entering the kitchen with Bucky right behind him.

“Sit down, honey.” Bucky murmured, pulling a chair out. “I'll get your coffee for you real quick. And yes, Steve that _was_ entirely uncalled for.” The captain raised his hands in a silent apology.

“Welcome back home, Thor.” Tony grinned up at the giant, and Bucky looked up when the God stepped closer.

“Oh, I think the clock still says am.” He said over a loud cough, and Steve cleared his throat pointedly so Thor backed up to the counter.

“So, a moonlit dance under the stars?” Clint asked. “And did all your dreams come true.”

“The dance was… fun.” Tony had to look down to hide his smile. “I've never really done that before. Not like I was interested in proms and dances in high school. It was very romantic. And… um, everything else that happened under the stars was romantic too.” He sent Bucky a soft look and Bucky bent to kiss him gently..

“Oh sweet thing, it absolutely was. Let's do it again sometime, hm?”

Steve groaned and looked away. “Dial it back, boys.”

Tony just tilted his head up for another kiss, sighing contentedly when Bucky obliged.

Natasha watched from her perch on the counter, sharp gaze not missing a thing. She didn't miss how Thor's fist clenched slightly at the display, how Steve refused to really watch, his neck turning a little red. T’Challa had stepped in unnoticed, and froze when Tony gave a happy little moan. And Clint's jaw was clenched, fingers drumming restlessly, and she had a sudden thought.

All the boys had assumed Tony would want to sleep with them.

None of them had assumed they'd get jealous watching the others have their turn.

 _Interesting._ This whole experiment was going to be _interesting._

*************

Clint

*************

“What movie is this again?” Tony asked, pushing the seat back so he had more room for his legs.

“The Werewolf Returns 4: Summer Camp.” Clint said gleefully over a mouthful of popcorn and Tony groaned.

“Easily one of the worst movies in the world. Why they ever made four of them--”

“Because it's at a summer camp and all the girls wear white tank tops while they splash around.” Clint answered, rolling his eyes. “Come on, Tony, you know that's the only reason guys watch horror movies.”

“Well you're not lying about that.” Tony dropped his head back on the head rest. “I just… when you said a movie I thought you meant--”

“What? Like an independent film where we all feel bad about ourselves for not caring about penguins? No thanks. This will be a good distraction for you, because honestly I feel like you need a break.”

Tony turned in his seat and stared at the archer. “Wait, this whole movie idea is because you think I'm stressed out?”

“You've got a lot going on, Tony.” Clint looked at him just long enough to hand him some licorice. “Just in your day to day life anyway. You think nobody notices how much effort it takes you to get through a day, to make sure everything's running the way it should, how much effort it takes to deal with the politicians and reporters and all the crap that comes with housing a group of super heroes. But I do, Tony. I mean, we all do, but I think maybe I see it more than others.”

“What do you mean?” Tony asked after a long minute and Clint shrugged.

“Well, I know that you have a search program running constantly looking for Bruce so you can bring him home. I know that you train with Cap because after the Extremist incident a few years ago you can't stand the thought of being helpless without your suit. I know that the coffee you drink everyday is decaf--” Tony's head swiveled around at this and Clint nodded. “--it's decaf because too much caffeine sends your heart racing and feels like a panic attack and you do everything you can to avoid that feeling.”

“Wow.”

“And I know that every time FRIDAY’s voice comes over the speakers you flinch a little because you still miss JARVIS.” Clint's voice softened then. “I know that even in a house full of people, you still feel lonely, Tony, and that kills me.”

“I didn't realize it was all that obvious.” Tony said quietly, sheepishly, embarrassed that he was so transparent.  

“It's not, honey. But you know, they don't call me Hawkeye for nothing. I know all and see all!” He winked and Tony relaxed a little.

“So a drive in movie?”

“Is a perfect break from everything you usually deal with. As well as everything else that's suddenly, you know… come up recently.” He raised his eyebrows dramatically and Tony rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uh, yeah, it's been an odd two weeks.”

“Odd bad?” Clint took a loud sip of his soda then passed it back to Tony who took an equally loud sip.

“No. Just different. Obviously. Going from not sleeping to sleeping with half the team and all that.”

“Come on Tony.” Clint laughed. “You haven't been _sleeping_ and everyone knows it.”

“Well, I definitely haven't been _sleeping_.” Tony admitted, and reached for the popcorn. “Is it weird, for you guys now? I mean with me being--”

“Passed around like a community bowl?” Clint said casually, and Tony sputtered and nearly choked.

“Clint! What the _hell_?”

“I'm just kidding. Sheesh.” He patted Tony's thigh, leaving his hand there for a moment. “It's not weird. Not at all. And don't worry, nobody besides Natasha thinks you're being slutty for sleeping with everyone, and I'm pretty sure she's just jealous.”

“And terrifying.”

“Man, she is terrifying as fuck.”

They laughed together, then quieted as the movie started. Tony didn't say anything about Clint's hand on his thigh, but he did slouch a little lower in the seat, and Clint started drawing circles into his leg idly.

“You know why people come to drive in movie theaters, don't you?” He asked after several minutes, just as the first hot girl on the screen was being ripped apart.

“To make out?” Tony answered absentmindedly, far too distracted by the way Clint's fingers were inching up his leg to really be listening to the question.

“You want to make out, Tony?”

“What?” Tony jerked to look at him, “are you--” he grinned then, and nodded eagerly. “Hell yeah.”

“Yeah, that's right, come here.” Clint threaded his fingers into Tony's soft hair and sealed their lips together, licking into his mouth eagerly until Tony was leaning as far as he could across the seat to get closer. “Get over here, baby.” Clint urged, and dropped his seat as back as it could go, pulling Tony across the middle console and into his lap.

Tony didn't know how long they kissed, but he was straddling Clint's lap, grinding down against him and the archer was mumbling both curses and sweet things as he worked his way down Tony's neck, when Tony finally pulled away with a gasp that was closer to a sob.

“Clint, Hawkeye, _please_ tell me you brought something with you. I don't want to stop and I don't really want to drive all the way--”

“We won't need it for what I have planned.” Clint said with a grin, and opened the door to the car, shoving Tony out and following as fast as he could.

He had parked in the back of the lot, and Tony quickly figured out why when Clint bodily picked him up and set him on the hood, slotting himself between his thighs and rocking against him. “Open up a little baby. Spread your legs a little wider for me.” Clint instructed, breaking their kiss just long enough to unzip his jeans and pull Tony roughly against him.

“Oh _dammnit.”_ Tong groaned, dropping his head back at the _friction_ and Clint echoed the noise, fumbling with Tony's zipper.

“Hold onto me, baby, not gonna let you go.”

***********************

Clint was already sitting and having coffee when Tony stumbled into the kitchen.

“Hey lover.” The archer said cheekily, wiggling his eyebrows. Tony sent him a glare and the other team members caught it.

“Trouble in paradise?” Steve asked, staring daggers at Clint.

“Nothing like that.” Clint snapped. “Settle down **ref** , Tony's just a little grumpy with me is all.”

“Ref?” Tony asked, but everyone ignored him.

“You didn't do anything…?” T’Challa let the question drop when Clint basically growled at him.

“Step off, guys. Why would you even _think_ I'd be the one to hurt--”

“He walked in and glared at you.” Bucky argued. “You're the first one that's happened to and--”

“Hey hey!!” Tony cried and waved his arms. “What the hell are you guys mad about? Clint didn't hurt me or anything!”

“Told you.” Clint said smugly, and snatched Tony close, tumbling him onto his lap and laying a loud kiss on his lips.

“That doesn't mean I'm not pissed at you.” Tony snarled. “Those were _nice pants_.”

“You should know better than to wear _nice pants_ on a date with me.” Clint pointed out. “At minimum you're going to get pizza on them. And come on, it's not like you didn't know what was going to happen.” He raised his eyebrows high and Tony finally relented, relaxing into his arms.

“You owe me new pants.”

“Okay baby.” Clint comforted. “New pants it is. Just tell me where to buy them.”

Bucky sent him a curious look. “What's with all the clothes talk?”  

“Drive in movie.” Clint supplied, and tried hard not to look quite so pleased with himself.  “Never even got our pants off.”

“Wait, you didn't even--?” Thor started to ask, and Tony groaned, hiding his face in Clint's neck.

“Nope.” Clint said with a satisfied smirk.

“Wait, so you're telling me you got him to--” Steve looked up.

“Ruin his _fucking_ pants.” Clint finished.

“I'm going to die of embarrassment right here.” Tony whined, and Clint just held him tighter, kissing his head.

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, baby. It was gorgeous. Easily the sexiest thing I've ever seen.”

T’Challa met the others gaze and shrugged then raised his cup in a salute.

“Well played, Hawkeye.” He admitted in his accented voice. “A feat like that… impressive.”

“I'll say.” Bucky mirrored the salute, with Thor and Steve adding theirs in as well.

Clint just waggled his eyebrows and took a long drink of coffee.

**************

Steve

**************

Tony dodged a blow and danced back a few steps, wiping the sweat from his eyes.

“Come on Captain.” He coaxed. “Let me see some of that muscle.”

“We’re just sparring.” Steve said easily, not even out of breath. “No need to rush anything.”

“Come on.” Tony swung hard, tagging the Captain's shoulder and Steve backed up a step.

“You're getting faster.” He complimented. He and Tony had been working for weeks on hand to hand combat, trying to make Tony at least somewhat dangerous outside of his suit, even if he was nowhere near where the rest of the team was. “Hit me again, harder this time.”

They circled each other, trading blows for a few more minutes. “How are you feeling, Tony?” Steve asked and Tony ducked under a punch.

“Getting tired, but I think my endurance is getting better.”

“Not what I meant,” Steve replied with a smile, “but that's good too. I meant how are _you_ feeling?”

“Are we gonna talk about feelings instead of fight?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Because I'd rather not waste my energy chatting considering it's only been about thirty minutes and I'm feeling shaky.”

“You know you can talk to me, right Tony? About whatever is going on? I can help with things.”

“You have enough to worry about dealing with the team.” Tony pulled away a few steps to catch his breath. “I can handle everything else.”

“You don't have to though, is all I'm saying.” Steve said quietly. “I just want you to know I'm here too, if you want me.” Tony blinked a few times at his choice of words, but dropped back into sparring stance when Steve beckoned. “Now come on, hit me harder this time.”

Tony's fist shot out and Steve blocked it, grabbing Tony's fist and pushing him off balance.

“Harder Tony.” Steve demanded, and Tony swung again, only to have it slapped out of the air like it was nothing.

Another swing and a miss, and Tony got irritated, stepping right into Steve's space, raining blows into his abdomen and and sides.

Steve switched back and forth, trying to block as many as he could without actually hitting back and Tony lashed out a foot and caught him squarely in the stomach.

“If I'm gonna _try_ to hit you have to do more than _humour_ me!” He snapped and Steve nodded.

“Alright then.”

With a burst of speed, he was in Tony's face, hammering his body with short quick punches, barely stopping to block any of Tony's blows, and when Tony stumbled back a few steps to orient himself, Steve swept his leg out and sent him right to the floor.

“Damn it.” Tony coughed at the impact, and Steve was over him in a split second, pinning him to the mat, forcing his legs apart in a submission pose. Tony planted his feet on the ground and arched his back hard, trying to push Steve off and over, but the super soldier just lay more weight against him, until no matter how Tony struggled he couldn't budge him.

“Now what, Tony?” Steve demanded. “You've been beaten, pinned, and you can't call a suit to help. So now what? What can you do in this kind of fight?”

Tony canted his hips and wrapped his long legs around Steve's waist, and those perfect blue eyes opened wide in surprise.

“Tony---”

Tony shut him up with a hard kiss, mashing their mouths together and digging his fingers into Steve's biceps.

“You think I can't tell you're hard?” He breathed. “In those workout shorts, you think you're hiding anything? This isn't the most orthodox date I've been on lately but it's still a _date_ isn't it? Why the hell would you bring me here when a nice walk through a garden seems more your style?”

“I'm not going to look at you like some conquest, or a damsel in distress or a fuck buddy.” Steve said in response. “All the other guys are trying to save you, or protect you, or treat you like you're precious, but I'm not going to. You're a _fighter_ , Tony, stronger than any of us give you credit for.” He reached out to brush a few locks of hair of Tony's forehead. “You're _more_ than I ever give you credit for. So no, I'm not going to hold your hand like you need me to be there for you, because you _don't._ Tony, you are probably the strongest one on this team and it has nothing to do with how fancy your new suit prototype is or how much money you throw around.” He tapped Tony's chest where the arc reactor had sat for so long for emphasis.

“So you tried to beat the crap out of me? Shitty seduction method.” Tony cocked an eyebrow and licked a line of sweat off Steve's neck, and the blonde shivered. “I'm not saying it's not working, I just think I could have earned these bruises in a more fun way.”

“It got you on the floor, didn't it?” Steve murmured, biting down on Tony's neck, running his tongue over his thundering pulse. “I was serious Tony. About being here for you. Ever since you brought us back things between you and I haven't been the same and I _know_ that's my fault but you have to let me back in. _Please_ because doing this thing where we just co exist and are kind of friends is killing me. We used to be family and now…”

“What, you mean you _don't_ think of me as a brother anymore?” Tony teased and rolled his hips up against the blonde.

Steve swallowed back a groan and thrust against him lightly. “I'd say no, not overly.”

“Things are different now.” Tony conceded. “But that doesn't mean they're bad. And I'm good with this. Right here.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked, and Tony pulled him down for another kiss.

“So, we gonna do this here then?” Tony asked when he came up for air.

“I locked the door already.” Steve promised, and Tony dropped his head back and laughed.

“Bring it on, hero.”

********************

“The gym?” Challa asked, wrinkling his nose.

“Smart.” Thor commented. “Nothing gets a man going like sweating and fighting together.”

“Ain't that the truth.” Clint was eating his way through his third bowl of cereal. “Right Bucky? You can slow dance all you want but--”

“Oh yeah, after a fight? So good.” The soldier licked his red lips lasciviously. “All that sweat? Hell yeah.”

“I rest my case.” Clint shrugged. “Pretty genius on Steve's part.”

“Speaking of…” T’Challa motioned to the door as Steve and Tony came through, holding hands. Tony had a big grin on his face and while Steve was his normal serious self, he did look well rested and the usual frown lines on his forehead had disappeared.  

“What? You guys have nothing to say this time around? Not gonna ask me if his shield is compensating for anything?” Tony snarked, and the team just shrugged.

“It's hard to say irritating things about Cap.”

“Yeah, the guys just great.”

“Got nothing.”

“Yeah, nothing on this end.” Their voices all over lapping and Steve actually laughed.

“Don't be so scared of an ass-whooping guys, it's fine. I’m fair game, just like anybody else on any other morning.

“Thank god.” Bucky sighed. “Say Steven, do you still get asthma attacks during sex? Or did you manage to actually see some skin this time around?”

“That happened _once_ when I was _sixteen.”_ Steve snapped and T’Challa collapsed into near hysterics, slapping his palm on the table as he tried to breathe.

“So he… his lungs gave out after sex?” Thor asked, confused. “What is an _asthma_?”

“No, his lungs gave out _during_ sex when Sissy O’Reilly took her dress off.” Bucky corrected. “I had to bring him an inhaler _and_ walk Sissy home.”

“Shut the fuck up!!” Clint howled, and covered his face with his hands. “No, no Captain, come _on!!”_

“Sixteen, guys.” Steve reminded them irritably. “Before the super soldier thing, remember?”

“You did just great, hero of mine.” Tony teased and Steve just rolled his eyes, but pulled him close for a hug anyway.

“You are all children.” Natasha commented as she grabbed her juice.

“Tasha.” Clint turned to her, wide eyed. “The first time Steve saw a girl naked he had an _asthma attack._ An ASTHMA ATTACK. Even you have to think that's funny.”

Natasha didn't respond to but her lips definitely twitched into a smile as she was leaving.

**************

Natasha

**************

“So you know what they did, right?” She asked him, and Tony shrugged.

“I figured it out about the time Bucky showed up at my door. I assumed they drew straws or something to see who got to try and seduce me first.”

“Right. And you slept with… all of them?”

“It's not like it was one night after another!” Tony defended himself, but couldn't help grinning. “But yeah, definitely all of them.”

“Not a bit ashamed of it either, are you?” Natasha rolled her eyes but her voice gentled. “Were they all good to you?”

“So good. They were all amazing. Sweet and gentle--”he made a face. “Maybe gentle isn't the best word.” He admitted with a laugh, digging his spoon into the carton of ice cream. “But it was amazing. They each went after me in their own way, and I love all of them and it's just… great. Each of them were… wonderful. I don't know if I've ever really felt this good in my entire life.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Natasha asked, “because this is what girls do, apparently, watch old movies and eat ice cream and talk about whoever they just slept with.”

“Is that what we are doing?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Having a girls night? Because I thought maybe it was your turn to take me out for a date.”

“Oh please.” She rolled her pretty green eyes. “Black Widow remember? Do you _really_ want me to go after you in my ‘own way’?”

“Well when you put it like that it sounds creepy.” Tony frowned.

“Exactly.” She took a big bite of the chocolate ice cream, licking the spoon slowly. “This is not a date. Just hanging out.”

“Well can we at least do this more often, then?” Tony asked seriously, “Because honestly Tasha, most days I feel like you barely tolerate me. I know that things are different with new people here, and Bruce… I'm sorry Bruce never came home. But I feel like you blame me for that, and I know we were never all that close, but we were friends right? Or some thing like it?” He met her steady gaze for a minute then looked away. “I missed you when you were gone, Tasha. I'm glad you're… home. If you still consider this home. I hope you do. You don't have to like me, but I'm still glad you're here.”

Natasha looked at him in surprise. “Tony, it's not that I don't like you, I just don't really like _anyone_ . Not anymore. Nothing personal. After everything happened..and Bruce.… I mean it's difficult to readjust I suppose. I know I've slipped back into scary Black Widow person, but it's how I'm coping. And also I'm the only girl on the team. Makes it kind of hard to be one of the guys, you know? You and the rest are bonding over ridiculous dates and sex and I'm just...here. You get it, right?” Tony nodded and her voice softened. “But we can do this whenever you want, okay? Because Tony, it _is_ nice to be home. And--and thank you, for welcoming me back.”

“You belong here, Tasha.” He reached for another bite and she scooted closer until their shoulders touched.

“So.” She arched her eyebrow, glancing down when he shifted on the couch with a wince. “Which one are you going to pick? Have you decided yet?”

Tony shrugged a little and didn't answer.

“You're a whore Tony.” She said, but she nudged him playfully and handed the ice cream to him. “Sore much?”

“Oh my god I'm so sore.” Tony groaned, and she laughed at him.

“Eat some more ice cream, Tony.”

*******************

“Hey! You can't steal Tony! You weren't part of this!” Bucky discovered them first and hollered over his shoulder. “I found him guys! And Nat isn't playing by the rules!”

“Wait, what? Were you guys looking for me?” Tony asked, confused, and Clint came around the corner then.

“Yeah, we couldn't decide who got to take you out to tonight so we came looking for _you_ to decide but then we couldn't find you.”

“I'm in my room. Not exactly rocket science, boys.” He motioned around the room.

“Be that as it may,” Challa said with a frown, “we didn't expect to find you with Natasha. Perhaps we could just--”

“Slow your roll, Your Highness.” Natasha said in a dangerous tone. “Because you guys are interrupting both my movie and my ice cream so either shut up or get out. I was here first. Tony wanted to spend the evening with me.”

“Should I save you from the Spiders clutches, Anthony?” Thor offered, but Steve butted in.

“Why don't we just all go downstairs and watch a movie? That way everyone gets to hang out and nobody feels like anyone is monopolizing Tony's time.”

“And Captain Diplomat with a non violent solution.” Clint teased, and leaned over to plant a quick kiss on Tony's lips. “Hey baby. You shouldn't have to move, we can all just hang out here.”

“Yeah I'm down with that.” Bucky tilted Tony's head back over the couch and kissed him long and slow. “Missed you today, sweet thing.”

“That's fine with me.” T’Challa slid into the space next to Tony and turned his head to bring their mouths together. “How are you today, lover?” Tony squirmed and blushed at that one, and T’Challa chuckled softly.

“Glad everybody agrees. Glad to see you, hon.” Steve bent over to brush a kiss against Tony's forehead and sat on the other side of Natasha.

The men arranged themselves as close as they could to Tony, with Clint sitting between Tasha's legs, and Bucky sitting between Tony's knees. Thor looked the whole situation over with a raised eyebrow, then just sighed and lifted Tony right off the couch, and sat down in his spot, placing Tony on his lap. Bucky grumbled and rearranged himself until he sat between Thor's legs so he was still close. Steve stretched out, draping an arm along the back couch to slide his fingers through Tony's hair. Tony tried not to look too pleased at the arrangement, and lifted his head so Thor could kiss him as well.

“Anthony.” The god crooned. “It has been too long for us. Surely it is my turn to have a date with you again.”

“Jesus Christ.” Natasha mumbled, and Tony couldn't help smirking.

“Hey Tasha can I have a bite of--” Bucky asked, but Natasha slapped his hand away.

“What is this movie called?” T’Challa asked and Natasha huffed in annoyance but didn't answer.

“Let's watch Die Hard instead.” Clint complained, and Steve started to voice his own opinion, but Natasha cut him off.

“You guys! Tony and I were having a great time by ourselves! Come on, Tony do you _see_ the downside of this ridiculous arrangement!? All of them tripping over themselves for some of your time? Even you with your ego and pathological need to be the center of attention have to know this is _crazy_.”

Firmly snuggled in Thor's lap, one hand linked through Challas, both legs and feet being stroked by Clint and Bucky, his neck being rubbed by the Captain, Tony just grinned at her.

“There is literally not a downside to this arrangement, Tasha.”

“Tony you can't be serious. You know what, you boys have your orgy I'm going to---” Tony leaned over and shushed her, kissing her slowly, dropping Challas hand to cup her jaw and pull her closer.

After several seconds of complete shock, Natasha kissed him back, her fingers tracing up and into his hair. She parted her lips at his coaxing, letting his tongue dip into and taste her until she was very nearly trembling, trying to get closer.

Clint reached up and took the carton of ice cream from her lap, and he and Bucky dug into it while watching the embrace with wide eyes.

“Um To-Tony, I told you we were just hanging out. This isn't a date.” She stuttered when he finally broke the kiss.

“I know, but if you'd let me, I'd like to take you on one some day. No pressure.”

Tony settled back against Thor's chest, and took Natasha's hand, tugging at her until she all but plastered herself to his side.

“Uh, Tasha? Not to interrupt anything, but just a quick formality here.” Steve handed her the clipboard and a pen.

“Rules for Dating Tony?” She read aloud, and sent him an incredulous look. “You weren't kidding about signing a contract were you?”

“Just sign on the bottom.” Steve instructed and Tony rubbed his thumb over her fingers with a teasing smile.

“See? Literally not a downside.”

***********

Epilogue

***********

“I'm home, children!!” Sam shouted when he returned to the compound. “Where's everybody at!”

“Hey Sam! Welcome home!” Steve gave him a friendly hug. “I'm glad you made it back. How was the training?”

“Well, the soldiers aren't super like you, but they are still going to be pretty scary.” Sam clapped a hand on the Captain's shoulder. “Where is everyone else?”

“Um, living room. But wait, Sam hey before you go in…”

Sam was already gone, yelling for Clint and Bucky to open some beer and get ready to---

His voice dropped off and Steve shook his head.

“Should have waited like I said.” He said to the empty room. “I don't know why people don't listen to me.”

“What-- what-- what?” Sam didn't know what to say, wasn't even sure where to begin, when faced with the scene in the living room.

Thor was sitting on a new, _enormous_ couch in front of the TV. Next to him in order was Bucky, Clint, and T’Challa, with an empty space where Captain must have been sitting.

And Tony was sprawled face down across all their laps.

Thor was running big fingers through Tony's hair, Clint and Bucky had their hands on his back, rubbing in slow circles, and Challa was massaging his calves.

Natasha was sitting on the floor in between Thor's legs, with Tony's arm slung over her shoulder and their fingers laced together.

Tony had a big stupid smile on his face, even though his eyes were firmly closed, just enjoying the sheer amount of cuddles he was now getting on a daily basis. He didn't even twitch when Sam walked in, just snuggled a little closer to _everyone_ and let them explain.

“What-- what-- what??” Sam said again, and Steve came up behind him.

“So it's been an interesting month. Lots of stuff happened.” He said dryly. “Read this, sign the bottom.”

“Rules for Dating Tony?” Sam read out loud. “The fuck you guys doing?”

“You don't _have_ to play.” T’Challa pointed out with a frown.

“More for me.” Bucky snapped, and Clint spread his hands possessively over Tony's back.

“Yeah, Wilson, if you have a problem, maybe you just stay the hell over there.” Nat said, and Thor patted her shoulder calmingly.

“No need for violence, Spider.” Thor soothed and then raised his eyebrows. “Just because we have all decided that our collective feelings for Anthony cannot be ignored doesn't mean that he--”

Sam held his hand up to quiet them.

“Just give me the damn pen.”

****************

Rules for Dating Tony

  * Go in the order you were assigned
  * Each date lasts from dinner time to breakfast the morning after


  * No alcohol involved because a drunk Tony is a slutty Tony and that's not playing fair
  * **addendum-- a glass of champagne, wine or a single beer if applicable to the date is fine. But no more than that.


  * You can ask for help with your date, but sabotaging other dates is not allowed.


  * If you've already had a date, keep your distance until someone else's date is over (11 am)


  * The date/night can be in the style/place of your choosing, but no copying other people's ideas.


  * If an opportunity for sexual relations arises, consent must be verbally given by Tony.


  * There must be twenty four hours between the end of one date and the start of some one else's turn.
  * If Tony declines a date, you forfeit your turn
  * If Tony chooses one team member to continue dating, the others will respectfully bow out



Agreed to and Signed by

-Captain Steven Grant Rogers 

-Thor Odinson of Asgard

-Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes

-Clinton Barton (insert some cool description here because you guys all have cool names)

-His Highness T’Challa, Prince and Defender of the nation of Wakanda.

\-- _Natalia Alianovna Romanova_

 _\--_ SAM WILSON


End file.
